I’m back.

As I was saying my goodbyes to everyone in Nepal, I was always asked one question, “when are you coming back?” And my answer was always the same: I’ll be back in two or three years.

My sister was with me when I was saying goodbye to the village, and as we drove away, she said, “I bet you’ll be back next year.” Secretly, I had always hoped and planned to return in just one year. I just didn’t want to get people’s hopes up and then not deliver.

I arrived back in Nepal a few days ago, after a year away. It feels very different. People have a hard time understanding my accent now. Kathmandu boasts of 4G internet speeds, there’s a “road” going to my village, and the electricity in Kathmandu only goes out once a day or so (as opposed to the 16 hours a day previously).

It’s been a big culture shock, probably the biggest one I’ve ever experienced. My memories are filled with me as an ordinary villager- getting water from the well, chasing the chickens back into the coop, and being a trusted confidant for a bunch of incredible girls. But that’s not the role I have anymore. I’m an honored guest and a source of knowledge about the larger world, but there’s a distance between me and my friends and students that wasn’t there before. I don’t get to walk with the girls to the well or chase the chickens, because a guest shouldn’t do work. And that’s been a really hard adjustment.

Part of the culture shock has also been experiencing all of the challenging aspects of the culture all at once. While I was once accustomed to the societal norms and had a support system of my fellow Fulbrighters to help me, being inundated with the stark gender roles, childhood marriage, domestic violence, and other inequalities all at once was a lot more challenging than I was prepared for.

It’s been a pretty hard, lonely few days. I even thought about changing my flights to come home early. This will probably be a surprise to a lot of people, who know how much I love Nepal, my village, and my time as a Fulbright Scholar. I write this because I always want to be honest about the challenges I face. I do hope that this culture shock will lessen as I get readjusted and as my village gets used to having me around again.