Things Unseen

I face a number of situations every day where the correct response isn’t obvious (at least to me). The solutions may initially seem clear, but there are almost always cultural complications that I must keep in mind. I wrote down all of the challenges I faced one day. What would you have done?

#1

Seven of my 13-14 year old male students skipped my class (and only my class). Instead of attending, they went to the public tap to bathe, then had the gall to parade into class dripping wet. I was not pleased, but like most, the issue is far more complicated than it seems on the surface.

Some of the troublemakers in question

First, they skipped my class in particular. They chose to skip the class of their only woman teacher, their youngest teacher, and their only teacher that doesn’t use physical discipline. I feel confident in saying that they wouldn’t have skipped my class if I was Nepali male teacher.

At the same time, though, these boys are all Dalit (“Untouchables”- the lowest caste, where it’s a bit taboo for them to go to the public tap). This was the only time of the day when the tap is usually unused and they wouldn’t have to risk running into classmates.

My response: I didn’t let them enter the class for the last five minutes. After class, I talked to them about how I expect them to show up every day and the next time, I’d send them to the principal.

Update: It did happen again, and I did send them to the principal, where he made them do 50 squats.

#2

I was playing catch with some of the children with disabilities when a young boy ran up and took the ball away from one of the kids. I watched in disbelief as the his grandmother started playing catch with him using the deaf kids’ ball. For a solid ten minutes they played together. In this culture, the grandmother outranks me (everyone shows a great deal of respect to seniors) so I didn’t feel like I had the power to push back. She knew it was the deaf kids’; I said that several times.

My response: After watching for a few minutes, when the ball rolled towards me, I grabbed it, turned to the little boy and said, “thanks for returning the ball to me.” Then I threw it over the heads of both the boy and his grandmother and into the arms of my young deaf friends.

Some of the deaf students playing at a school event

#3

Every day, at the start of the school day, the male teachers shake hands with each other and ignore the women. It’s really annoying. Perhaps the worst part for me is having them then tell me about how bad Nepal’s patriarchy is and how they can’t wait for it to change (in 50 years). I have to hold my tongue the whole time.

My response: I’ve started holding out my hand for them to shake so, they can’t ignore me. It’s awkward every single time, but I deserve to be treated like a human being and not ignored. And eventually it won’t be awkward maybe.

#4

I think the ant cake example from the last food post is a solid one. Or just any food I’d rather not consume. I really did not enjoy eating a ton of ants, but it’s really difficult to turn down food. It offends a lot of people. So my only real option was to eat it. I will say though that I’ve gotten really talented at sneaking food into my pockets to dispose of at a later date. If I ever have to perform at a talent show, that’s what I’ll do.

#5

Girl Power!

I was playing soccer with a bunch of young girls, and a little boy came and started playing. We all enjoyed playing for a few minutes and then he started crying and ran over to his parents. The parents approached me and told me that their son didn’t want to play soccer anymore, so all of us had to play another game.

My response: I’m admittedly more conflict-averse here than I would be in my own culture, mainly because I’m very much a guest here. All that is to say, I said ok. I’m still mad at myself for just giving in like that, but I was so taken aback and didn’t know what to do. I wish I could say that’s the only time I’ve seen a little boy get what he wanted just because he’s a boy, but it certainly isn’t. I also wish I could say I respond in a great way every time, but that also doesn’t happen.

I get asked to take enough selfies with students that surely all my judgment calls can’t be wrong

There are admittedly a ton more situations for which I must make judgement calls every day, and– just like in the US–sometimes they’re good and sometimes their poor.